One short story before bed--I gotta get up at 5 a.m--and do as Grand Pa used to say--make hay while the sun shines!

When we moved to West By God Virginia--our neighbors made it their solomn vow to teach us Florida city slickers the country life and they took particular pleasure in doing it--here's one example.
The phone rings--hello I said--hey Eric --this is Bob,we can use some help over here at the house--with a pig--think you can come over?--Sure Bob glad to help--I get there,Big Bob meets me at the door and I say what ya gonna do to a pig,kill it and make me watch---nah-Eric we're not gonna do that--you saw us do that over at the Engle house--although this particular boar might think he was kilt by the time this little chore is complete--nah we got to somethin else to him.
A knock comes to the door and it Jackie Engle--hey Eric how's it goin? he says stickin out his hand to shake mine--then he starts to laugh--I said OK what have you guys got in mind---they wouldn't say--seems they were waiting for Ralph Engle as well---Ralph came to a screechin halt by the telephone pole guard rail--with his little Chevette---and the crew was there--"Hey Eric your gonna have fun today",Ralph said--I said OK lets hear it----Lets look at the pig in question first. We went over to the small outbuilding on the lower end of Bobs yard--and they swung the door open and there was the biggest pig I have ever seen in my life--he was a male that weighed 700 pounds---Jackie said "Eric,we gotta cut him---do what I said--your killing him?No we gotta cut his balls off and we need you to help hold him down while we do it.You might as well have told me to jump off a cliff---Jackie stood by the door so I couldn't get out--and Ralph opened up a rusty straight razor and I said get then hell outta my way or I'll make a another hole for a door---I just had to think about what that pig would do once they cut off his pighood and I wasn't gonna be around to see the carnage.Eric come on man we need you to help hold him down---no way --period---they were all laughing now--Jackie and Ralph went over to do the deed and Bob helped--and I headed for the door--there was a quick grunt and they smeared grease or somethin on that poor bastard--and out comes Jackie holding giant pig balls in his hand and then slices um open in front of me--see that meat--ummm good--fried up in the pan--want some Eric?

That's just one of countless stories gonna be comin yalls way ---night all.-------------Eric the Codger